Sadie says...
Sadie has something she wants to tell you...
A personal collection of thoughts/insights/indulgences made in my quest for self-actualization or at least some glimmer of self-understanding... most likely made late at night while procastinating at the office.
For me there have been a couple things in life that I obsess over and that honestly have probably held me back from truly opening up myself to someone and letting myself relax and enjoy a relationship.
1st (appropriately) is "The First..."
2nd is "The One..."
The first...
the first time you kiss,
the first time you fall in love,
the first time you have sex,
the first... you get the idea.
I found that I put so much emphasis on making the first of any experience perfect that I often prevented the first experience from ever happening. I had to learn to just embrace the moment and not run away from a less than perfect first experience. Which is hard because I'm a romantic and a perfectionist... and I want everything to have a storybook ending.
As I get older I put less weight in the importance of 'the first' and am trying to live in the moment so that when I'm older I have more 'first' experiences to look back on and feel sentimental about.
Second is "the One"
Recently Dan Savage came to Dallas, and while I didn't get to go, i did find this clip from his question and answer session that night. Someone asked him how to get over their recent breakup from 'The One' and I thought his response was really insightful.
"There is no One," he said. "The One is a curse. ... What there is is a world is full of .64s and .69s and .73s that you round up to one. ... But you have to remember, you're not his One either. He's rounding your ass up too."
Fast forward to 4:15 in the video to hear him elaborate on it in person.
I would love to find a .87, and I don't think I'll settle for a .54, but I'm becoming more comfortable with not finding the One. There is a real beauty to loving someone and filling in the gap between where they are and One. I like that together you become greater than the sum of your parts.
I have no idea how I ended up on youtube, but I found this video and it instantly took me back to growing up. Okay, I do know how it happened... it was the end of a trail on Wikipedia. First I was looking for info on THIS, then that lead to THIS, and ultimately to THIS and the video below.
On the weekends, my parents would let me stay up and watch Dr. Who, and sometimes even Blakes 7. On really rare occasions, like when Jeb would stay over, I'd even get to see the OETA sign off. The Jet flying while the guy reads the poem "High Flight" really is an amazing memory queue for me. Wikipedia rocks.
A 15 min animated action movie made up entirely of corporate logos... too cool.
Logorama from Marc Altshuler - Human Music on Vimeo.
By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
Towering, kite-shaped airships could herald a new era of luxury transport following today's introduction of the Aircruise concept.
Standing 98ft taller than Canary Wharf, packing 330,000 cubic metres of hydrogen gas and capable of lifting 396 tonnes, the Aircruise concept features penthouse apartments, bars and even dizzying glass viewing floors.
Aircruise was created as the antithesis of a hurried, crowded passenger jet. London-based design and innovation company Seymourpowell wanted to rethink transport - on the premise 'slow is the new fast'. It could ferry 100 people from London to New York in a leisurely 37 hours as opposed to the seven it takes now by airplane.
It can fly up to a maximum of 12,000ft but if there are specific areas of interest en route it can drop down to a few hundred feet.
Seymourpowell design director Nick Talbot said: 'The Aircruise concept questions whether the future of luxury travel should be based around space-constrained, resource-hungry, and all too often stressful airline travel.'
He said the Aircruise straddles the line between a cruise ship and a floating hotel.
Mr Talbot explained: 'In a world where speed is an almost universal obsession, the idea of making a leisurely journey in comfort is a welcome contrast.'
Airships had their heyday in the 1930s with the famous German zeppelins. However, new technology has made them increasingly attractive from an environmental standpoint.
Theoretically, it could ferry 100 people from London to New York in a leisurely 37 hours or from Los Angeles to Shanghai in just under four days.
Seymourpowell's early Aircruise designs attracted the attention of Korean giant Samsung Construction and Trading (C&T) - the primary contractor of the tallest man-made structure the Burj Khalifa in Dubai - who commissioned Seymourpowell to produce a detailed computer animation.
Seung Min Kim, design director at Samsung, said: 'This was a dream concept project for us, helping to realise a future of sustainable buildings combined with innovative and luxury lifestyle.
'In an age when environmental impact is a key consideration for architecture, we are keen to extend this vision of the future by searching for solutions that can be realised by 2015 - the year that many futurologists foresee as the turning point for the future.'
Lower decks are 'hung' off these primary supports. Each of the four external envelopes contains modular self-sealing lifting bags, minimising the incidence of bag rupture and ensuring safe flight even with a major external skin rupture.
Hydrogen, the lightest gas, is used as the lifting gas, and is capable of lifting around 1.2Kg per cubic metre of volume. Large Polymer Electrolyte Membrane (PEM) hydrogen fuel cells will provide on board power and some drinking water.
These fuel cells are the type typically used in cars. A PEM fuel cell uses hydrogen fuel and oxygen from the air to produce electricity.
The Winter Olympics are right around the corner. Here's a time lapsed video of the host city. It's so cool to see how the fog and mist engulf the city--it makes us seem small and much less significant than our egos might lead us to believe. It's really an amazingly beautiful city.
Amendment 14 - Citizenship Rights
1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.
No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States;
nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
I don't want to be a grinch, but Christmas is one of my least favorite times of the year.
You don't know how good you have it till you don't have it anymore.
Growing up I was 45 min from this amazing place (and it's hiking, camping, climbing, etc.) Now it sometimes takes me longer to get home from work than it used to take me to escape to a place like this....
I need an escape.
While catching up on my blog reading, I came across a posting on Passing Fancy's (formerly Speeding Motorcycle) Cooking Blog regarding omelet making (since his blog has closed, I've gotten the entry from him and posted it below). This inspired me to try my own hand at omelet making--even though I lack a solid "omelet pan." While Speedy makes the point that zen in omelet making isn't to be rushed, i was rather pleased after my first dozen attempts. I will admit that Ginger enjoyed 6 or 7 casualties that were lost in the early stages of MY quest for egg-cellence.
While we're on the topic of cooking...
enjoy this recipe for Electro Funk Daddy Superstar.
So I've been sick since New Years Eve until about today--ironically, the last day of vacation before starting back up at the office tomorrow. Between NyQuil induced comas, I spent some time looking at weird stuff on the internet.... some of which I will now post for your enjoyment.
I recently became the new Editor for the Dallas AIA magazine. This is a really awesome opportunity. The magazine is just now going to a large 60+ page glossy format and the internal people who make the magic happen are exceptional professionals that I already enjoy working with. So here's a sneak peak at my first "Letter from the Editor," which was fun to write at the beginning but quickly began to feel like a homework assignment for English Comp II back in college. Ugh Deadlines!
Trying Times
Our turbulent economy right now might actually be a good thing for architecture. Let me explain. When money is flowing during prosperous times, people don't take the time to really think about the quality of what they are purchasing. We accept a more disposable economy and don't focus on the long-term characteristics of what we're buying or building. When I say this I'm generalizing about the overall built environment. I know that there are always a select group of clients that insist on well-designed projects; but generally, cheap money leads to developers and clients settling and building the faster, cheaper thing that will turn into profit the fastest. When money is tight, people begin to scrutinize how things are really put together.
It may be that a recession makes people stand up and take a closer look at what they're spending their money on because every penny really begins to count. It's at this time that architects really add value. The cookie-cutter buildings that scatter our suburban landscapes begin to look like what they are--poor solutions that were allowed to happen because money was cheap, the client didn't care enough, the architect wasn't pushed enough, and the community didn't hold people accountable enough to demand "good" design.
The fact that what we're now facing is probably a global recession may mean that even mundane things find better design. Darwinism in the products we buy may mean that, where once we would buy something knowing that it wouldn't last beyond the next season, now we begin to look again at quality and durability and….. design! Trying times are sometimes the impetus for renewal.
This is John Barrowman. He's on BBC and Torchwood (which I've been told is a spin off of the new Dr. Who). I can't confirm any of this since I haven't had a t.v. for several years. Anyway, a friend sent me a link to the video. I really like it. He's an interesting combo of looks and sound. He's like Mr. Big meets young all American guy with some Mark Harmon thrown in (whom I've probably had a crush on since Summer School and St. Elsewhere back when I was in Jr. High). His voice kind of has a Robbie Williams meets George Michael sound to it sometimes. I figured I would share it. The words also have struck a note with me but that's another blog entry for another time.
An observation... closeted gay men date the most beautiful women.
...so I just woke up from the most bizarre dream and had to write it down while I could still remember it. To give you some background (and probably what triggered the dream), I got an e-mail on facebook 3 or 4 days ago from a girl named Mary. Mary and I dated in college. She was the first person I ever said 'I love you' to, and she turned my world on edge for about a year and a half after she came back from a trip to Argentina and didn't still share all my adolescent emotions.
The dream:
I was on the OSU campus for something. Not sure if it was a football game or something, but I'm walking around looking at buildings etc. and then Mary is walking by and gives me a hug and she says she's here for something and asks me to walk with her so we can catch up. So I'm walking with her, and then, as we're walking, there are more and more people walking towards some big arena like everyone is going to a basketball game or a graduation ceremony. I see in the crowds walking some people I know (like Niki from L.A.), but instead of saying HI, I keep following Mary.
She's not slowing down, she just keeps walking and moving forward. By now she's 2 or 3 people ahead of me on the sidewalk--keeps turning around and motioning me to follow her, so I do. Then I look and crossing the road is my entire High School class from Frederick, people I haven't seen in years (Moncia, Brandi, Ben, Bryan, Jed, Andra, etc)... so I try to say HI and visit, but now Mary is 15-20 people ahead of me on the sidewalk, motioning me to hurry up and catch up with her. Then out of no where this incredibly hot guy who looks like Jay Mohr (my t.v. crush for the last 10 years) runs up to me, grabs my hand in a handshake, and say's "Brian! it's me Mat" (I don't know why, but it's Mat with one 't') and I realize this is my dream guy, my prince charming. He's got tousled brown hair and is wearing a nice leather jacket and khakis. He has this incredible smile, and he's talking to me like we're old roommates from some summer camp we went to when we were both kids. He has this really firm grip that is still embracing my hand when I say, "walk with me, I'm chasing that girl" and point to Mary in her baby blue sun dress, who is now 30 people ahead of me on the sidewalk. Then she turns and goes in this gate to a court yard. Mat and I get to the gate and across from the courtyard I can see the door shutting into the building that Mary has gone in. I'm explaining to Mat that this is Mary, the first person I fell in love with, then mid sentence I realize this is stupid--why am I chasing her, I'm gay, and I say that out loud--but I still have this incredibly strong urge to follow her into the building before she gets away. And I'm standing at the courtyard entrance with this guy Mat--still holding his hand from the handshake, and I feel like I have to make a decision to either go through the door and keep trying to follow Mary, or to stay with Mat, who I don't recognize yet, but who I have this feeling in my stomach I know already like my soulmate. --then I wake up.
My friends make fun of me sometimes because of 'the rules,' but for me, there is a certain rationale to having a few basic ideas that you can rely on. People sometimes call this Common Sense.
I guess this first started with a roommate I had in college who had a simplified view of the world that he based his decisions on. Simple things that are sometimes stupid, but at their core, they make sense. Some people call it wisdom.
Over time but especially when I was first dating after coming out of the closet, I developed a set of rules, the core of which are these:
First let me give this disclaimer: I'm a bad driver.
I know I'm a bad driver, this is not news to me.
If you know me or have ridden with me, then this is not news to you either.
Now the blog post: I've enjoyed Speeding Motorcycles blog for a while. We first talked through some random comment I left on his blog. We also have a mutual friend, so we've randomly run into each other around town before. He's a handsome guy in person, and if you've read his blog, you know he's got the wit and the brain to match the sexy smile. Long story short, we were chatting on Connexion last week and talked about finally grabbing some lunch and visiting in person instead of via blog comments. (NOTE this was not a date. I have a system for what constitutes a 'date' and so does he. Lunch isn't a date.)
Today at noon, I have Ginger in the car and pick up Speedy next to his office in downtown. We head to a cool cafe near my office. We're passing under the triple overpass where Kennedy was shot, I'm looking over my left shoulder to do a lane change, and BAM, there's bucket truck/cherry picker changing out the sign on a billboard--right in the lane and right in front of me--not moving.
THIS is how I evaluate people the first time I meet them. I throw them into a crisis situation. Other popular first impressions:
I work out at 5a. I do this because the gym is less crowded with only a dozen people all together, compared to 5 dozen at 7a or in the evenings. I also found that when I tried to work out after work, something always came up: social stuff, work stuff, meetings, etc. For some reason, no one wants to schedule anything with me at 5a--so I enjoy my time at the gym.
There's a handful of people who are regulars, including several very hot ones and two goobers.
the Florida guys:
two preppy guys both about 23 or 24 from Florida State, Pretty Boy who is very tall and Tall Guy who is even taller.
Pretty Boy is probably, 6'-1" and has the 'prettiest' face you've ever seen. He's also a perfect athletic build that comes from years of tennis, lacrosse, or some other preppy sport. He's not too big, and not to skinny--just uber hot. You can tell he never has really gotten his hands dirty except to impress some chick, but rest assured, his chiseled good looks are hot when he DOES get dirty. Pretty Boy drives a new Acura sport that mom and dad got him when he graduated college last year.
Tall Guy is 6'-4" and has that skinny college basketball player frame. He's dark haired and always tan. You can tell that he doesn't like dressing up, his closet has 10x more flip-flops than dress shoes and an endless supply of basketball shorts. Tall Guy drives a Mazda left over from college that he doesn't really fit into but it's paid for.
Marine:
A loaner.
Not to overuse a word, but this guy is chiseled. He's about 5'-8" and has the deep set dark eyes that have barked, SIR YES SIR at some point in his past. He's probably late 20's or early 30's and shaves his head. Always chewing gum and listening to his iPod, his uniform is grey sweats pushed up over his very nicely developed calves, a t-shirt, and iPod on the right sleeve. He gets there at 5 and works out till almost 7 resting generously between sets. His broad chest and cannon ball shoulders validating his efforts over the years. You can tell he's the quiet type, and either speaks with a redneck, new jersey, or some similar hardworking accent. Marine drives a smaller truck like a Toyota with the bigger tires and TRD option package.
Frat:
Always in a well fitting fraternity party t-shirt, track pants, backwards ball cap, and an iPod nano clipped to the back. He's classic, professional, and the guy that the women are drawn to when he goes to Sherlock's or Black Finn on Saturday night. He has perfect lats, perfect back, perfect shoulders, and loves the roman chair. In fact, between every exercise he will go do a rotation of 30 reps on the roman chair, front, left side, right side--and I'm guessing he has the abs and lower back to prove it. Frat drives a BMW 3 series or will soon.
Kansas:
Clean cut, all-American, farm raised, corn fed white boy. He's from northern Kansas or something very close to Nebraska. He has a strong Nebraska-guy build and features, but more of the practical Kansas mentality. His sandy blond hair is usually longer than he likes it. 6'-1" hard working. This guy is the quiet nerdy guy that never made waves in school. He doesn't draw attention to himself, but if you went back and checked it out, he probably was always in the top 5% of the class in everything he did. He's athletic and ran track. Shorts, muscle shirt, sneakers and tennis socks, he also goes to church on sunday or tells his mom he does because he knows it will make her happy. He's not a big drinker, but will have a beer with his buddy to be social. He drives a Camery that he's been driving since college. He makes the Camery look good.
Dip Shit and Numb Nut:
Dip shit is a 45 year old bald guy with a british accent. He always wears a white muscle shirt or tank top and will flex and admire his biceps uncontrollably between his sets. He has a voice that carries far and is the only person in the gym who enunciates so clearly that you can understand every work of his conversation even at 100 yds. He has a good body, but his abrasive personality and megaphone voice counterbalance that and he just comes across as an asshole with a small dick. He drives a black BMW 7-series that has always is freshly waxed and detailed--he points this out to women so they will notice him.
Numb Nut is close to 40 and has no balls. He likes to take orders and doesn't know how to wipe his own ass. He hangs out with Dip Shit because he fawns over him and wants to be his power bottom bitch. Numb Nut has curly blond hair and wears small wire glasses--he looks like an english professor from some junior college you wouldn't be getting your money's worth at. Numb Nut wants to be yelled at. Dip Shit fulfills this desire at the gym. The last 3 reps of EVERY set that Numb Nut does end with Dip Shit in his megaphone voice yelling "c'mon! Push! PUSH!!!" (I have come THIS close to asking them to shut the freak up before I drop a weight on myself.) His yelling is distracting during my workout and not in the good way. Numb Nut drives a Camery but doesn't make it look good.
This is a follow up post to THIS ONE from last year.
Very few things will piss me off more than a pretentious person. The only thing that pisses me off more is a large gathering of pretentious people.
A little bit of background. I own my own architecture firm. We have a nice quiet office in a warehouse showroom area north of downtown. By and large, the neighbors are fun and friendly and the epitome of southern hospitality and courtesy. The exception to this would be TODD.
Todd is a party planner.
Todd has parties.
Todd has very little skills in being neighborly.
The first year that Todd moved in, Todd had a small party one week for several hundred of his closest friends.... apparently none of his neighbors are his close friends as no one in the complex was invited to his party. However, we all had to deal with the party for the week leading up to the fiasco. Last year, he blocked off half of the parking lot and turned it into a beach for 2 weeks with 8 dump trucks of sand. Parking sucked! This year, it's a tent--actually about 4 of them at last count, but they seem to multiply when it gets dark, there were only 3 yesterday. In addition to the tents, there are port-a-potties, generators, semi-trucks, ice makers, and quite possibly a 3 ring circus but I can't confirm this due to the barricades, traffic cones and other stuff that keeps appearing in my office parking lot.
I'm a big believer in kharma and I have to deal with Fire Marshal's and fire lanes enough, so I'm not going to use THIS SECRET WEAPON, but it's tempting.
This morning I came into work, and the main entrance to my parking lot was blocked by several semi trucks unloading stuff for the party tonight (actually the party lasts two nights, with 800 invitations we're told). So I had to back up and drive 3 blocks to get to a back entrance to my office. Here's the letter I sent to my landlord.
Dear X,
I understand that Todd needs to do business development.
I understand that the best way to show off the goods is an open house.
I understand that there will be 800 cars valeted in our lot Thursday and again Friday.
I understand that Todd’s event guy has PROMISED me that this year they will leave some spots open in front of my space so that my team working that night don’t have to walk 4 blocks in the dark when they come back to the office after dinner like they did last time he had this #$%! party.
I DON’T understand how much bigger this #$@! Tent is going to get. When I came into the complex this morning I couldn’t even get to the rear parking lot because between the tent, the generators, the semi trucks unloading crap, and the rest of the $#%! circus, I had to back out and come in on the hi-line side of things to get into work.
Despite the economic downturn, I still have clients that occasionally need to actually meet with us in our office… if I can’t get to my office, then it’s very VERY VERY challenging for my clients to get to my office.
I think I’ve said enough.
Sincerely,
THIS ARTICLE is why the government scares me.
It reinforces that some of the most bizarre plots that you think come from Hollywood or some conspiricy theorist nut-case, might in-fact be real.
Some music just makes you feel relaxed and good.
Kings of Convenience are my new favorite group of the moment. I've never seen their albums, I've only found them on YouTube. I should probably use part of that iTunes gift card in my desk and actually buy one of their albums so I have it with me on the road or something.
Music is amazing in it's ability to manipulate you. When I hear this song, I'm compelled to relax. There's another blog entry about lyrics buried in me somewhere, but not today.
I was reading this ARTICLE today.
Am I the only one that sees a SERIOUS conflict in this? The state is paying for cancer treatments for a guy with terminal cancer, who is ON death row. And NOW he gets a stay of execution because the medication that they are giving him to save his life MIGHT interact with the medication they would give him to kill him? WTF?
During a recent business trip, I was struck by the fact that people who work on airplanes always have beautiful weather. Once you get over the clouds, there's always clear blue skies around you. The rain and the grey are below you. You look down on puffy clouds and have sun shine all around you. How cool is that?
This article basically shows what I think is fundamentally wrong with the Republican party. I should make this note... I'm not a Democrat.
I'm a capitalist and I'm a realist.
I believe that everyone should be able to pursue their dream, make a good living, contribute to the creative world, and do it all with as little government involvment as possible. I run into some problems with the idea of social programs. As a small business owner, I believe that we have an ethical obligation to pay a good living wage, provide health care coverage, and retirement and savings options for our employees--BUT I think that what I do as a business owner should be dictated by my ethical ideas of what I should do... not by legislation. In the world that is in my head... everyone would do the right thing because (a) you should always do the right thing and (b) because people should support the companies that share those philosophical ideas. And I do try to live out this concept of corporate/capitalist democracy.
Best line for describing how I think love should work.
And there is a longer blog entry buried here about friends vs lovers--which comes first and can one really come before the other....
anyway... here's the clip
I'm a goober. This is one of my top 5 movies of all time... and this, the opening scene just makes me laugh every time I see it especially when he lays her down at the end of it. i like how there's no words, just cheesy tuba music and drums.
I'm a Kate Hepburn fan in a huge way. I guess that should've been a clue I was gay years ago. I don't go for the normal diva's. Madonna annoys me. And Barbra Streisand is about as obnoxious as Bill O'Reily. For some reason though, Kate Hepburn movies entertain me without a good reason. Adam's Rib. Bringing Up Baby. Desk Set. They just are entertaining to me. But at the same time, given their context, several of her movies were really progressive and tackled social issues very directly, like Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.
Kate Hepburn is one of my 8 Fantasy Dinner Guests, but that's another blog entry for another time.
Recently I was having a conversation with my good friend Kevin about life, the universe, and everything. On the topic of happiness, he offered up a simple and unappologetic perspective on how to be happy. His theory on happiness boils down to two things. Find love and have a lot of money. With those two things you can be happy.
Other theories discussed were that you needed 4 things to be happy.
1. love
2. enough sex
3. working out
4. enough sleep
And when you really think about it... if I had all 4 of those, I think I might be happy.
Ultimately we reached a Darwin based theory on happiness. Evolution has made it such that our happiness is driven by wanting something more. Complacency leads to extinction... so you have to be improving or evolving. We're genetically tied to thinking the grass is always greener somewhere else. Thus the happiness theory is that you can't achieve happiness because it can't exist. Only the anticipation of happiness can exist. Once you achieve a milestone, you can't perpetuate that feeling of happiness because the achievement isn't the sustaining part, it was the anticipation of that achievement.
File this under 'things I want.'
I'll credit Towleroad with turning me on to this one too.
For the record, it's a 3'x8' multi-touch computer interface.
Here's the inventor's research site.
The thing that whets my appetite is what this could do for the creative process.
Architecture (with a capital "A") used to be about creativity and art, but along with technology's increase in productivity has come a decrease in creativity.
Today, we get bogged down in the details because the computer lets us see everything down to the 1/256th of an inch.
Details are important; I'm not saying ignore the details, but in first year studio, you are taught to start exploring a design using fat markers and pencils on paper.
Color outside the lines, and let your sketches be messy! You're judged by the scribbles in your sketchbook as much as you are by the precision of your final presentation.
Sketching is the creative process and the creative process doesn't begin at the 1/256th of an inch level.
While computers and CAD were great for efficiently creating drafted plans, it sucked for creating concepts. Blueprints aren't Architecture. Blueprints are an instruction book for creating a concept or thought that originated in someone's mind or was fleshed out in someones sketchbook. Think of it as a word processor, not as a pen. Recently some tools have started showing up that help the creative process using a computer, but the interface has always been the bottleneck.
My hand and a pencil will always be faster than a keyboard and a mouse.
Speed and flexibility is important because the design process is about iterations--it's about following tangents and exploring 'what if'. This video makes me drool because it has the potential to let me communicate things as fast as they evolve in my mind.
Creativity unfettered...!
(Plus it would be really cool to pretend I'm Tom Cruise in Minority Report.)
... I discovered Musicovery on Towleroad a week ago. It's a flash based internet radio that has a great user-interface. It makes for a great way to discover random playlists based on a matrix of tempo and mood.