Homework...

I recently became the new Editor for the Dallas AIA magazine. This is a really awesome opportunity. The magazine is just now going to a large 60+ page glossy format and the internal people who make the magic happen are exceptional professionals that I already enjoy working with. So here's a sneak peak at my first "Letter from the Editor," which was fun to write at the beginning but quickly began to feel like a homework assignment for English Comp II back in college. Ugh Deadlines!

Trying Times

Our turbulent economy right now might actually be a good thing for architecture. Let me explain. When money is flowing during prosperous times, people don't take the time to really think about the quality of what they are purchasing. We accept a more disposable economy and don't focus on the long-term characteristics of what we're buying or building. When I say this I'm generalizing about the overall built environment. I know that there are always a select group of clients that insist on well-designed projects; but generally, cheap money leads to developers and clients settling and building the faster, cheaper thing that will turn into profit the fastest. When money is tight, people begin to scrutinize how things are really put together.

It may be that a recession makes people stand up and take a closer look at what they're spending their money on because every penny really begins to count. It's at this time that architects really add value. The cookie-cutter buildings that scatter our suburban landscapes begin to look like what they are--poor solutions that were allowed to happen because money was cheap, the client didn't care enough, the architect wasn't pushed enough, and the community didn't hold people accountable enough to demand "good" design.

The fact that what we're now facing is probably a global recession may mean that even mundane things find better design. Darwinism in the products we buy may mean that, where once we would buy something knowing that it wouldn't last beyond the next season, now we begin to look again at quality and durability and….. design! Trying times are sometimes the impetus for renewal.

Marriage...

This is John Barrowman. He's on BBC and Torchwood (which I've been told is a spin off of the new Dr. Who). I can't confirm any of this since I haven't had a t.v. for several years. Anyway, a friend sent me a link to the video. I really like it. He's an interesting combo of looks and sound. He's like Mr. Big meets young all American guy with some Mark Harmon thrown in (whom I've probably had a crush on since Summer School and St. Elsewhere back when I was in Jr. High). His voice kind of has a Robbie Williams meets George Michael sound to it sometimes. I figured I would share it. The words also have struck a note with me but that's another blog entry for another time.

Enjoy...

Why Gay Men Date Beautiful Women...

An observation... closeted gay men date the most beautiful women.

Someone asked me if the picture from the previous blog was Mary. It's not, I pulled it from the net, but its a dead ringer for her. Milky skin, incredible smile, flowing brown hair that cascaded down her back... and a personality that lights up a room and draws you to her. This got me thinking--when I was 'straight' I didn't date much till grad school, but when I did date, the girl was always stunning.

My theory on this is that when a guy is in the closet, he sets an unattainable standard for the women he dates. I know I did that. It was the only way I could be safe in the relationship. There was always a way out because there was something that didn't quite meet this unrealistic standard.

The last two women I dated before I came out to myself and eventually to my friends and family are were stunning people too.

Amy was a blind date in college. The original date was a

disaster, then about 4 years after the blind date we met back up and actually started dating. She was beginning med school and I was back in grad school to get my MBA. We connected over a spring break when everyone else was out of town. I invited her over to watch some movies and cook some dinner. She was a southern baptist preachers daughter, she was homecoming queen in college, and is now a pediatric neurosurgeon. She was my parent's wet-dream of a daughter-in-law. She was the complete meal deal and seriously, if you aren't attracted to that, then you've got to be gay.

Shinez was an incredibly sexy Turkish girl who I met through my roommate from grad school and his wife. Shinez and her were roommates when they were working in Istanbul, but UCLA grad school had brought her to the states and an internship had brought her to Dallas. Exotic and European, she had the beauty of an Italian movie starlet, the sexy accent of a french lover, and the spontaneous wild side that came with her from California. Again, if you can't be turned on by that, then it causes you to question so many things about yourself.

If you're gay, and a generally masculine guy who maybe came out later in life to himself or maybe isn't even out at all to the world around you. Think about it. Are the women you date the cream of the crop? The exceptional? The amazing?

We set the bar so high in an effort to sabotage the relationship. This rescues us from it progressing and us having to make a commitment that we know our heart isn't into.

This one isn't hot enough. That one isn't smart enough. She's not adventuresome... she's not romantic... she doesn't like strawberry ice cream... she's not this or that. What ends up happening is--through process of elimination--you are dating virtually perfect people: smart, beautiful, fun, everything that everyone could want... but they aren't perfect for you because you're gay. And no one around you understands why you're breaking up with these amazing people.

That's how I handled it. I kept on finding a flaw or some reason that I couldn't fall in love with them when it was nothing wrong with them and actually something with me.

I've talked to my buddies about this, and it's a pattern. We all dated amazing women. I've seen the pictures! Our ex's are all HOT women! They're brain surgeons! They run marathons and speak five languages. Yet we always find an excuse to keep it from going to that next level. You eventually run out of excuses for it not working. When I came out, one of the best parts was I could be honest with people about my old relationships and why things didn't work with Amy or Shinez or Darcy or Caroline or Kate or any of the other amazing people I have dated.

I had the weirdest dream...

...so I just woke up from the most bizarre dream and had to write it down while I could still remember it. To give you some background (and probably what triggered the dream), I got an e-mail on facebook 3 or 4 days ago from a girl named Mary. Mary and I dated in college. She was the first person I ever said 'I love you' to, and she turned my world on edge for about a year and a half after she came back from a trip to Argentina and didn't still share all my adolescent emotions.

The dream:
I was on the OSU campus for something. Not sure if it was a football game or something, but I'm walking around looking at buildings etc. and then Mary is walking by and gives me a hug and she says she's here for something and asks me to walk with her so we can catch up. So I'm walking with her, and then, as we're walking, there are more and more people walking towards some big arena like everyone is going to a basketball game or a graduation ceremony. I see in the crowds walking some people I know (like Niki from L.A.), but instead of saying HI, I keep following Mary.
She's not slowing down, she just keeps walking and moving forward. By now she's 2 or 3 people ahead of me on the sidewalk--keeps turning around and motioning me to follow her, so I do. Then I look and crossing the road is my entire High School class from Frederick, people I haven't seen in years (Moncia, Brandi, Ben, Bryan, Jed, Andra, etc)... so I try to say HI and visit, but now Mary is 15-20 people ahead of me on the sidewalk, motioning me to hurry up and catch up with her. Then out of no where this incredibly hot guy who looks like Jay Mohr (my t.v. crush for the last 10 years) runs up to me, grabs my hand in a handshake, and say's "Brian! it's me Mat" (I don't know why, but it's Mat with one 't') and I realize this is my dream guy, my prince charming. He's got tousled brown hair and is wearing a nice leather jacket and khakis.  He has this incredible smile, and he's talking to me like we're old roommates from some summer camp we went to when we were both kids. He has this really firm grip that is still embracing my hand when I say, "walk with me, I'm chasing that girl" and point to Mary in her baby blue sun dress, who is now 30 people ahead of me on the sidewalk. Then she turns and goes in this gate to a court yard. Mat and I get to the gate and across from the courtyard I can see the door shutting into the building that Mary has gone in. I'm explaining to Mat that this is Mary, the first person I fell in love with, then mid sentence I realize this is stupid--why am I chasing her, I'm gay, and I say that out loud--but I still have this incredibly strong urge to follow her into the building before she gets away. And I'm standing at the courtyard entrance with this guy Mat--still holding his hand from the handshake, and I feel like I have to make a decision to either go through the door and keep trying to follow Mary, or to stay with Mat, who I don't recognize yet, but who I have this feeling in my stomach I know already like my soulmate. --then I wake up.

Please discuss...

The secret to a long and successful life...

Movies....

I'm not a huge movie guy. 

I grew up in a small town [34° 24' 12.42" N, 99° 0' 29.12" W] where the closest movie theater was an hour drive away. For me, movies are truly social things that I do because I want to share a social ritual with friends or something along those lines. All of that being said, I really like a lot of the movies coming out this summer. I went to go see WANTED last night at the Studio Movie Grill with my upstairs neighbor and his girl friend. It's a very satisfying blow-em-up movie, so I left the theater with a happy macho-glow on my face due to the slow motion blood splatters and car chases.
I also want to see Hancock with Will Smith. But Wall-E is the movie that I've been looking forward to the most for about a year. There's something very appealing about characters that don't talk but still tell a story. Besides, it's a cartoon, and I really am a kid (still).

The Rules of Dating...

My friends make fun of me sometimes because of 'the rules,' but for me, there is a certain rationale to having a few basic ideas that you can rely on. People sometimes call this Common Sense.

I guess this first started with a roommate I had in college who had a simplified view of the world that he based his decisions on. Simple things that are sometimes stupid, but at their core, they make sense. Some people call it wisdom.
Over time but especially when I was first dating after coming out of the closet, I developed a set of rules, the core of which are these:

1. Don't date someone new to town
2. Don't date someone in the closet
3. Date someone +/- 5 years of your age
4. Don't date friends
   

Digging a little deeper, here's my logic for each of them.

Don't date someone new to town. When you have someone fresh off the boat, they don't have an established social network. If you start to date, you become their world. It's very important that both people in a relationship have their independence. People need their space. I need to have my friends and my stuff, and you need to have your friends and your stuff. We can do things with both groups, but when someone is new to town and only has the people you've introduced them to, then there is a lack of diversity that evolves--they don't have their own stuff.
Everyone needs to escape to a place that doesn't revolve around the other person... trust me on this. I need away time from myself, so I know someone I date is going to need it sometimes also.

Don't date someone in the closet. This is a no brainer. I spent 30 years in the closet; it's not a healthy place and I don't want to go back in. I understand that some people can't come out of the closet because of their career. But when they aren't out to their closest friends or their family then they're not out at all. When you date someone completely in the closet then it takes you back to that dark place where you lie to people you care about and have to fabricate stupid things like "where did you meet so-and-so?" or "are you dating anyone?" or even simple stuff like "what are you doing this weekend?" Honestly, this is one of the bigger reasons why my ex and I had issues. For the record, my ex is a great guy and has since come completely out of the closet, but while we were dating this was an issue for me. He was out to his best friend and to one of his brothers. He wasn't out at the office, and for good reason--it was an old school company and it would've ended his career. Ironically, it was the random people who had no bearing on his career or anything that really got to me. When people like his hair stylist, or the guy he played tennis with on Saturday, or a person at a resident's happy hour would ask him "are you single" or "what did you do for your birthday," instead of saying "I'm dating a great guy" or "my boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant" he'd lie--and that wasn't acceptable to me--I little by little lost respect for him. I knew that the person I date and that I loved had more integrity than to lie and be ashamed about himself or his feelings for me, especially when people of such little consequence would ask a casual question.
If his boss had asked--sure, be safe and use the gender neutral pronoun game like all of us do before we come out of the closet, but don't lie.
Really that's the short-term reason to not date someone in the closet. The longer-term reason is what if this person is the guy I'm going to spend the rest of my life with? Will we never share a Thanksgiving dinner with his parents? Will I never get to go golf with his dad and brother?
It was important for my ex to meet my sister and my best friends. It helped him understand who I am and where I've come from. Likewise, I want to meet the amazing people from his world too.
My experience is that when you meet someone that takes your breath away--whom you fall in love with--then you don't want to hide them.... You want to show them off and share them with the important people who are special in your life.

Date someone +/- 5 years of your age. This is a bit flexible. The common sense part of this says, "if you're 35, don't date the 23 year old retail guy from Banana Republic." The thought process that leads to credibility for this is two people should basically be in similar states of their life.
If you're dating a guy 15 years younger or 15 years older, then you probably don't have a lot in common with each other outside of the sex.
On a more micro level I think the phases of life come down like this: high school, college, out on your own, established career, etc. A guy in college may be very "mature for his age" (or however you rationalize it) but if he's at a frat party and you're working to make mortgage payments, you aren't in the same frame of mind when it comes to making most of your decisions.
More shallow things are, you probably won't like the same music or t.v. and he won't get your pop-culture references.
When I would chat on the net, some 22 year old kid with a smokin body would message me and try to convince me that he was someone I could date because he was "mature for his age" and he "gets along better with people older than him because guys his age are too juvenile." I'd run away--and for good reason! If the guy doesn't remember the first space shuttle exploding, the first President Bush, or the first war in Iraq, then there's a good chance that we're coming from different places. My youth was a cold-war-youth that shaped my psyche and how I developed. Along those same lines, if Kennedy's assassination shaped your youth then I'm probably too young to be your date to the prom this time around too.
I appreciate and crave diversity... but generally age is a big hurdle when it comes to dating, even when compared to things like being from different cultures of having different backgrounds.

Don't date friends. This one is fuzzy. When I was straight, I used to adhere to the "When Harry Met Sally Theory of Dating" which says that you become friends before you become lovers. I guess at my core, I still believe this too. Your partner in life really should be your best friend. But it's easier to move from an initial physical attraction to a deep emotional connection than it is to move in the other direction. (I'll work on a blog entry about the 3 aspects of attraction sometime soon).
The evolution of this rule came about when a friend once tried to convince me that being a "cuddle buddy" was a good idea----it's not. Someone is going to get emotionally attached and the other one isn't. That's a recipe for disaster and a destroyed friendship. This is also why "friends with benefits" won't work for me. Maybe it does for you, but I'm guessing that eventually someone is going to get hurt, and it'll probably be me.

A bonus rule.
Don't date before Easter. This is more of a theory than a rule. I thought of it last summer, but it's not developed enough to make the numbered list.

The idea here is that in the winter there's not much to do on a date. You basically have dinner or a movie and that's about it. It also gets dark too early which makes it harder to do more interesting things after 5p.m. when it gets dark.
My dates after Easter (or at least after the spring time change) become much better and must make me seem more interesting. The "dinner or movies" list is augmented by picnics, concerts in the park, hiking, camping, festivals, going to the lake, etc.
CLEARLY those are more interesting things and will make me seem like a more interesting person. This obviously will give the relationship a better kick-start at the beginning of everything.
... like I said, this one hasn't been fleshed out as much.

I am a work in progress.


.

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the Forum...

First let me give this disclaimer: I'm a bad driver.
I know I'm a bad driver, this is not news to me.
If you know me or have ridden with me, then this is not news to you either.

Now the blog post: I've enjoyed Speeding Motorcycles blog for a while. We first talked through some random comment I left on his blog. We also have a mutual friend, so we've randomly run into each other around town before. He's a handsome guy in person, and if you've read his blog, you know he's got the wit and the brain to match the sexy smile. Long story short, we were chatting on Connexion last week and talked about finally grabbing some lunch and visiting in person instead of via blog comments. (NOTE this was not a date. I have a system for what constitutes a 'date' and so does he. Lunch isn't a date.)

Today at noon, I have Ginger in the car and pick up Speedy next to his office in downtown. We head to a cool cafe near my office. We're passing under the triple overpass where Kennedy was shot, I'm looking over my left shoulder to do a lane change, and BAM, there's bucket truck/cherry picker changing out the sign on a billboard--right in the lane and right in front of me--not moving.

THIS is how I evaluate people the first time I meet them. I throw them into a crisis situation. Other popular first impressions:

• Calling 911 about explosions/car fires (not my car!).
• Blow outs/Flat Tires (usually at night).
• Food poisoning followed closely by projectile vomiting.
• Bank card is declined (a personal favorite of mine).
• Hitting dogs and other small animals while driving on country roads.

For your viewing pleasure... My car:


For the record, radiators really do put out a lot of steam when you do something like this. I thought it was just special effects on t.v., but nope, they steam a LOT.

Cast of Characters: The Gym

I work out at 5a. I do this because the gym is less crowded with only a dozen people all together, compared to 5 dozen at 7a or in the evenings. I also found that when I tried to work out after work, something always came up: social stuff, work stuff, meetings, etc. For some reason, no one wants to schedule anything with me at 5a--so I enjoy my time at the gym.

There's a handful of people who are regulars, including several very hot ones and two goobers.

the Florida guys:
two preppy guys both about 23 or 24 from Florida State, Pretty Boy who is very tall and Tall Guy who is even taller.
Pretty Boy is probably, 6'-1" and has the 'prettiest' face you've ever seen. He's also a perfect athletic build that comes from years of tennis, lacrosse, or some other preppy sport. He's not too big, and not to skinny--just uber hot. You can tell he never has really gotten his hands dirty except to impress some chick, but rest assured, his chiseled good looks are hot when he DOES get dirty. Pretty Boy drives a new Acura sport that mom and dad got him when he graduated college last year.
Tall Guy is 6'-4" and has that skinny college basketball player frame. He's dark haired and always tan. You can tell that he doesn't like dressing up, his closet has 10x more flip-flops than dress shoes and an endless supply of basketball shorts. Tall Guy drives a Mazda left over from college that he doesn't really fit into but it's paid for.

Marine:
A loaner.
Not to overuse a word, but this guy is chiseled. He's about 5'-8" and has the deep set dark eyes that have barked, SIR YES SIR at some point in his past. He's probably late 20's or early 30's and shaves his head. Always chewing gum and listening to his iPod, his uniform is grey sweats pushed up over his very nicely developed calves, a t-shirt, and iPod on the right sleeve. He gets there at 5 and works out till almost 7 resting generously between sets. His broad chest and cannon ball shoulders validating his efforts over the years. You can tell he's the quiet type, and either speaks with a redneck, new jersey, or some similar hardworking accent. Marine drives a smaller truck like a Toyota with the bigger tires and TRD option package.

Frat:
Always in a well fitting fraternity party t-shirt, track pants, backwards ball cap, and an iPod nano clipped to the back. He's classic, professional, and the guy that the women are drawn to when he goes to Sherlock's or Black Finn on Saturday night. He has perfect lats, perfect back, perfect shoulders, and loves the roman chair. In fact, between every exercise he will go do a rotation of 30 reps on the roman chair, front, left side, right side--and I'm guessing he has the abs and lower back to prove it. Frat drives a BMW 3 series or will soon.

Kansas:
Clean cut, all-American, farm raised, corn fed white boy. He's from northern Kansas or something very close to Nebraska. He has a strong Nebraska-guy build and features, but more of the practical Kansas mentality. His sandy blond hair is usually longer than he likes it. 6'-1" hard working. This guy is the quiet nerdy guy that never made waves in school. He doesn't draw attention to himself, but if you went back and checked it out, he probably was always in the top 5% of the class in everything he did. He's athletic and ran track. Shorts, muscle shirt, sneakers and tennis socks, he also goes to church on sunday or tells his mom he does because he knows it will make her happy. He's not a big drinker, but will have a beer with his buddy to be social. He drives a Camery that he's been driving since college. He makes the Camery look good.

Dip Shit and Numb Nut:
Dip shit is a 45 year old bald guy with a british accent. He always wears a white muscle shirt or tank top and will flex and admire his biceps uncontrollably between his sets. He has a voice that carries far and is the only person in the gym who enunciates so clearly that you can understand every work of his conversation even at 100 yds. He has a good body, but his abrasive personality and megaphone voice counterbalance that and he just comes across as an asshole with a small dick. He drives a black BMW 7-series that has always is freshly waxed and detailed--he points this out to women so they will notice him.
Numb Nut is close to 40 and has no balls. He likes to take orders and doesn't know how to wipe his own ass. He hangs out with Dip Shit because he fawns over him and wants to be his power bottom bitch. Numb Nut has curly blond hair and wears small wire glasses--he looks like an english professor from some junior college you wouldn't be getting your money's worth at. Numb Nut wants to be yelled at. Dip Shit fulfills this desire at the gym. The last 3 reps of EVERY set that Numb Nut does end with Dip Shit in his megaphone voice yelling "c'mon! Push! PUSH!!!" (I have come THIS close to asking them to shut the freak up before I drop a weight on myself.) His yelling is distracting during my workout and not in the good way. Numb Nut drives a Camery but doesn't make it look good.

I will look for some representative pictures for each character and add them to the blog soon.

Today was a great day at the gym... we got the entire cast at the same time, minus Dip Shit and Numb Nuts. YEAH, it's going to be a GOOD Friday!

I Want One (pt. 3)

A better explainition of the techonology behind the first post.

I Want One (pt.2)

This is a follow up post to THIS ONE from last year.

We're actually going to try to set this up in the office with our own projector and a Wii I've bid on on e-bay.  

We use Sketch-Up (since before they were bought by google)... and the ability to use a white board and draw/manipulate/present while a client is watching is just too cool.

I'll keep you posted on this as we actually try it out.

Check out this guy's Head Tracking video too.  Throw ONE OF THESE into the equation and I think that Halo IX or whatever has some serious potential.

The Circus is in town

Very few things will piss me off more than a pretentious person. The only thing that pisses me off more is a large gathering of pretentious people.
A little bit of background. I own my own architecture firm. We have a nice quiet office in a warehouse showroom area north of downtown. By and large, the neighbors are fun and friendly and the epitome of southern hospitality and courtesy. The exception to this would be TODD.
Todd is a party planner.
Todd has parties.
Todd has very little skills in being neighborly.

The first year that Todd moved in, Todd had a small party one week for several hundred of his closest friends.... apparently none of his neighbors are his close friends as no one in the complex was invited to his party. However, we all had to deal with the party for the week leading up to the fiasco. Last year, he blocked off half of the parking lot and turned it into a beach for 2 weeks with 8 dump trucks of sand. Parking sucked! This year, it's a tent--actually about 4 of them at last count, but they seem to multiply when it gets dark, there were only 3 yesterday. In addition to the tents, there are port-a-potties, generators, semi-trucks, ice makers, and quite possibly a 3 ring circus but I can't confirm this due to the barricades, traffic cones and other stuff that keeps appearing in my office parking lot.

I'm a big believer in kharma and I have to deal with Fire Marshal's and fire lanes enough, so I'm not going to use THIS SECRET WEAPON, but it's tempting.

This morning I came into work, and the main entrance to my parking lot was blocked by several semi trucks unloading stuff for the party tonight (actually the party lasts two nights, with 800 invitations we're told). So I had to back up and drive 3 blocks to get to a back entrance to my office. Here's the letter I sent to my landlord.

Dear X,
I understand that Todd needs to do business development.
I understand that the best way to show off the goods is an open house.
I understand that there will be 800 cars valeted in our lot Thursday and again Friday.
I understand that Todd’s event guy has PROMISED me that this year they will leave some spots open in front of my space so that my team working that night don’t have to walk 4 blocks in the dark when they come back to the office after dinner like they did last time he had this #$%! party.
I DON’T understand how much bigger this #$@! Tent is going to get. When I came into the complex this morning I couldn’t even get to the rear parking lot because between the tent, the generators, the semi trucks unloading crap, and the rest of the $#%! circus, I had to back out and come in on the hi-line side of things to get into work.
Despite the economic downturn, I still have clients that occasionally need to actually meet with us in our office… if I can’t get to my office, then it’s very VERY VERY challenging for my clients to get to my office.
I think I’ve said enough.
Sincerely,

Here are some pictures of the circus
The main tent is about 80x150 or about 12,000 sf